Myths and Facts About Mail Order Bride Marriages
Mail order bride industry and the niche of dating services as a whole are the most controversial social phenomena ever. People do not hesitate to express their thoughts on mail order brides and international marriage. But what a surprise: their views are opposing! Moreover, different people give different facts about foreign wives or mention things that sound like facts. And the latter ones are often contradictory.
Simply put, it is a complete mess. The main purpose of this article is to divide all things you have heard about relationships with mail order brides into two groups: facts and myths. We can learn the truth about these girls. But only if we distinguish real statistics, results of studies and social researches, and feedback from men who really got married from rumors.
Fact: Statistically, marriages with foreign brides are more successful
Some people say that statistically speaking, marriages with foreign girls known as mail order brides are more successful. Others usually note that it even sounds weird. After all, how is it possible that someone who got married due to the matchmaking algorithm is happier than a couple who grew up in the same environment?
However, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services reports that “marriages arranged through mail-order bride services would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available” [source].
So, this is a fact and not a myth. Why does this happen? It is hard to say – unfortunately, this phenomenon is understudied. Still, it is assumed that this can be explained by the fact that both spouses know what they want, get what they expect, and know how to compromise.
Myth: Differences ruin the marriage
You may be surprised to know that differences are not the most common reasons for conflicts or even divorces. The world is now more liberated, people are more tolerant, and this impacts the institution of the family, too. For example, only 30% of Americans want their wives to have the same moral values and religious beliefs. And only 7% of men want to marry a woman with the same racial and ethnic background [source].
More importantly, international couples that were asked about their relationships after the wedding note that cultural differences do not have a negative impact on their family lives. Of course, there are some exceptions, and in this case, they just prove the rule.
Fact: Traditional values are connecting singles
We mentioned that differences are not a big deal for most men and women who met on mail order bride sites, but there is something they should have in common. Cultural background is not as important as family values or spouses’ views on them, to be exact. For example, more than 60% of men in the US want their wives to have similar ideas about children (having and raising) [source].
Researchers also note that women from particular Asian, European, and Latin countries are raised in more conservative families than Western men are. However, the Western world has changed, while these countries have not. That is why it is considered that the women can give guys what they want – the traditional, conservative family.
Myth: women are completely dependent, they have no rights
There was a time when people told stories about the violence foreign women face. The thing is they could not leave because of their immigrant status and/or inability to apply for green cards after divorce. It is crucially important to understand that the times are changing.
The so-called IMBRA act does not allow dating agencies to provide their services without notifying the brides about criminal and domestic violence history of their matches. Women who face domestic violence can accuse their husbands and divorce, and they will still be able to apply for a green card. Men have less leverage now. Foreign brides are not as submissive as they were a few decades ago when America and Western countries were seen as the only dreamlands. Of course, such kind of experience can be both oppressive and liberating even now, but now they have a real right to choose.
How successful mail order bride marriages are: Conclusions
Let us analyze everything we said before. Statistics, results of studies, opinions of men who have already married women known as mail order brides show that:
- Whatever people say, such marriages are often more successful than interethnic ones. This may be related to the fact that brides and husbands are ready to settle down and know what they want. Moreover, cultural differences do not usually become the reasons for conflicts. The reason is that spouses just develop the ability to compromise.
- The cultural differences are not so important for interethnic couples. Still, the same views on the family and children are the glue that keeps people together.
- Women who get married to foreigners are not servants or sexual slaves. They have rights and opportunities to divorce their husbands. This is much better for the institution of the family. It is a mistake to think that family life with an obedient, completely submissive wife is a good one. In fact, it is just the opposite. And in most cases, the fact that now women are protected by law and are not totally dependent is the good news for both spouses.
In most cases, interethnic marriages work. Of course, statistics are not something you can blindly trust. All people and all families are different, but we can observe a good trend – a trend of building happy international marriages.